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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I gotta say, working at a spa shows you the real vibes. People come hurt, mad, or super happy. They spill secrets like, "La vie c'est comme, unpredictable!" And I nod like, "Hi-ho, take a breath!" Sometimes I laugh at life's absurdity – like a scene from Leviathan where everything seems doomed, yet here we are, still dancin' in the rain.

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